I had never seen Velveeta in its natural state before last night. Here’s a fact: Velveeta is disgusting. Here’s another fact: Velveeta is fantastic.

I accept its dual nature; there are many things (I’m looking at you, network television) that I both hate and love. I cannot accept its concrete-like stubbornness.

I made some really fantastic salsa con queso last night and put it in a pewter chip and dip, also known as “el sombrero delicioso.” I tried to wash it today. I gave up on it ten minutes ago. It is dead to me. I stowed it in the crawlspace. The Velveeta just wouldn’t come off.

R.I.P. el sombrero delicioso.